Have
you heard of the word “self-respect/ self-esteem”? What is it?
Yes, each one of us has self respect. It makes us feel good, feel
prestigious, confident and strong.
Very
good. When do you feel that you have self respect?
I feel it when
- People around me, my friends, family, colleagues, seniors, etc treat me with love and respect.
- People accept and support me in all activities
- I am acknowledged and appreciated for my work
- My opinions and feelings are considered and valued
But
practically speaking, can all people accept you, the way you are? Each one of
us has our own strengths and weaknesses, so, there can be many scenarios where
others may differ from you?
Yes, I know people are different but there is always a way to tell
it. At home or in business or any organization, people have their own views.
The way they are expressed matters the most.
Absolutely.
But if you always expect people to express it/ behave the way you want, is it
possible?
It is not the way I want; it is the only decent/ professional way
of behaving.
Is
the world run by any common rule/ universal law?
No, but it is common sense to express one’s views/ ideas in the
right way, in a way which does not offend others.
"People
will always behave in a way that they feel is right and no one can change this.
Trying to change others forcefully is only a waste of energy and time.
Acceptance, understanding and repeated suggestions with patience and care is
the key to change people for their good."
Ok.
Say, if people don’t accept your opinion (or) you are given least importance (or)
people comment that you are not knowledgeable to add value (or) say that you
are unfit, then how would you deal with it?
I will blast them if possible or express my anger in some way and
will walk away from that place. Why should I involve / participate in a place
where I am not considered/ not respected? But yes, I will teach them a lesson.
Next time, I will show them who they are and who I am. They have disrespected
me, I have lost my self-respect.
I
understand that people’s reaction towards you, was not good but was your
response good?
Yes, I was right. I know to maintain my self-respect.
Is
this reaction called maintaining one’s self-respect???
"Self-respect means respecting the
self, i.e. accepting the self always, in all phases of life. To respect the
self means, to value ourselves, to treat ourselves very well. It is totally in
our hands, not in the way others treat us. “I am not disturbed, nothing can
make me unstable, I am so powerful that nothing can shake me”, this is giving
respect to myself, this is giving dignity to myself."
So
if people mock at me in public or react in an unprofessional way, will I not
feel bad? Will it not lower my status/ my prestige/ my self-respect?
People
always behave based on their attitude, their sanskars (habits in a subtle
form). Let us not allow it to affect the way we think about ourselves.
Self-respect is completely different from status or prestige. Status/ prestige is
based on physical possessions like wealth, property, fame, qualification,
designation, career, etc. Self-respect is an inner feeling of acceptance which
is only based on the way we value ourselves.
So,
what can I do in such a situation? Accept what people say and stay quiet?
No.
We know what we are. When people comment at us, we just need to check their
statements. If they are right, then accept it and proceed with the ways to
improve, else respond politely and ignore their comments. If at all, we feel
uncomfortable and want to walk away, walk away after responding gently. When we
react negatively and move away, we may go away physically from that place, but
will our mind stay quiet? We will keep brooding about “what they said, why it
was told, how can it be told, what do they think about themselves, how to
punish them, etc”. These thoughts will create huge negativity in us that we
will spoil all our work and relations. We will tend to behave badly even with
those who were good to us. Our quality of work/ study will deteriorate. Overall,
we will become weak within and physically.
"If one cannot respect the self, he
can never respect people around him."
Its not easy to behave gently in such situations. I was hurt and in such a condition, it is natural to burst out.
OK, then don’t let others to hurt you.
We will be hurt only when we take others opinion personally. Their opinions/
views/ comments/ behavior depend on their attitude, the way they think. If we
look through a blue glass, everything around us will seem blue. This doesn’t
mean that all things are blue. If we look at a white shirt through a red glass,
it will seem red; does it mean that the shirt is red? No, that’s why our
attitude or the way we think matters a lot.
We lose our self-respect only when
we disrespect the self. The main culprit of losing self-respect is our EGO. Ego
is the attachment to all the things which we have acquired in life, i.e.
attachment to my designation, my status or position in family/work place, my
richness, my fame, my qualification, my beauty, etc.
I
understand that attitude of people differs but how can I respond positively
when I am treated badly? It surely hits my self-respect.
Yes, others have treated us badly but
how did we treat ourselves? The moment we fill ourselves with anger and hurt, we
are disrespecting ourselves and so we lose our self respect. Other people’s
behavior are not in our control, hence let us not try to keep correcting them.
Just a silent checking of their comments within will help us a lot.
Why
should I check? I clearly know that their comments are illogical/ irrelevant.
How can I stay quiet?
If we feel their comments are
irrelevant, it is beneficial for us to respond politely and assertively. We get
hurt/ angry, only because of our own ego. Thoughts of ego like, “How can he
talk about ME like this? What right have they got to comment about ME? Have
they got any sense? Are they trying to underestimate ME?” We, each one of us
are pure pure souls. Let us not attach ourselves to “I am a manager, I am a
famous personality, I have a high status in society, I am the head of
department/ I am the boss, I am the eldest in family, I know more than
everyone, etc” This attachment arouses a lot of negative thoughts in us,
thereby, we lose our self-respect.
When
I am in a conference call or in a meeting in school/ college/ business/ any
organization or even at home/ relatives place, I need to behave as per my
designation/my role. It’s my responsibility. How can I think of me, as a
soul???
True, we need to act according to our
role. "Responsible means my ability to respond properly." We now know that any
person filled with anger/ hurt/ frustration etc cannot respond sensibly. If we
say that we are responsible then we need to ensure that we remain unshaken by
situations around us. This is being powerful. In other words, we need to remain
emotionally stable for the benefit of the self and others. In order to remain
emotionally stable, we need to keep reminding ourselves repeatedly that we are
pure souls playing a role of a manager/ CEO/ any employee/ parent/ etc. This
will slowly put down our ego. Hence our chances of getting hurt will reduce,
thereby, we create a strong self-respect. In this state of self-respect, we
will clearly see things in the real perspective and work towards solutions and
peace. We will see the quality of our work improving, our relations, both
personal and official, growing and we will value/ respect others too,
irrespective of their behavior.
"The
awareness of the truth that each one of us is pure, beautiful soul will create
magic in our lives."
Yes,
now I understand the real meaning of self-respect. But, if all of us are pure
souls, they why should people behave negatively?
We are
always concerned about how others should behave and want them to change.Yes, all
of us are pure souls but just that we are unaware of it and we say “Anger is
natural, stress is natural, hurt is natural, worry in natural, etc. We started
terming all unnatural things as natural and used this sentence to justify our
negativity. Actually, happiness, peace, purity, love, faith, trust, compassion,
kindness, forgiveness, etc are natural to us. This is the reason why we all run
behind many saints and temples, in search of peace, happiness, etc. All those
virtues are already within us, we only need to use it frequently in order to
see it for ourselves.
Do
children have self-respect?
Yes, kids do have self- respect/
self-esteem. Kids are in a state where they get easily influenced by the way
people behave around them. Since they spend their maximum time either in school
or at home, it is the role of parents and teachers to build a strong
self-esteem in them. When kids make mistakes, we need to keep telling them repeatedly the ways to do things the right
way. Never ever term them as “bad girl/ bad boy, rowdy, careless girl/
careless boy, lazy-bugger, totally-unfit, destructive, untidy child”, etc. As
we use these terms often, they get a deep understanding that whenever they do
mistakes, they are bad and this will lower their self-respect a lot. This is
the reason why many children in the age group of 13-25 years find it very
difficult to face life after committing a mistake.
Children create an opinion
about themselves from the way we term them. Hence we need to be very loving and
compassionate. As we keep encouraging them in all their activities and guide
them in the right way, they will create a strong- good self- image about
themselves. This will help them to correct their mistakes and face life in an
honest way.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
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